Sunday, February 24, 2013

Down the Drain

This may be TMI, so it's fine if you stop reading...

I was driving back from lunch today and I had drank about 5 glasses of sweet tea and 2 glasses of water, so obviously I had to use the restroom quite badly. I really thought I could make it back to my dorm.

You know when you need to use the bathroom and you can't focus on anything else? Well I'm a bad driver to begin with, and since I was preoccupied, I kept pressing and letting go of the gas, so I was going like 5 miles an hour, which didn't help me get to the bathroom any quicker. I was literally praying out loud that I would not pee my pants.

I finally pulled into a store near campus and sprinted in. Hallelujah. My little problem was solved...or so I thought. The toilet clogged up of course. I didn't do anything to clog it--it just clogged. I didn't really know what to do, so I washed my hands of it. (I also literally washed my hands).

As I left, another girl was about to walk in. I definitely knew her, and she definitely knew me, so I smiled and said hey. Instead of telling her about the toilet and explaining that it hadn't been my fault, I just went to get a cold coffee (of course).

She immediately walked out and gave me a strange look as she went to the men's restroom.

I can see it now-- front page of the paper, "Kaitlin Chappell Clogs Toilet."

Story of my life, right?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Kaitlin vs. The Ants

We have all had to deal with pests of some sort. Sometimes the pests are little brothers, and sometimes they are ANTS. I actually googled the purpose of the life of an ant, because I know God did everything for a reason. I seriously asked Him why he made those terrible little creatures. Apparently they help with pollination, so I drew the whole flowers/carbon-dioxide/carbon-monoxide/us being able to breathe oxygen conclusion. So, thank you God for ants, but now let me go on my rant.

So I live in a residence hall (dorm) and it's really nice and cozy and big and great, but about a week ago I kept finding random ants in my drawers or on my pillow. After finally getting a clue and being intelligent, I went to take out my garbage and the entire black garbage can came alive with ants. I shrieked like a little girl for a few minutes and took the garbage can outside my door. I threw the lid in the sink and proceeded to vacuum up the little devils crawling on the carpet. I thought my ant war had been won. But no.

I kept finding ants crawling on my desk, so I used my Clorox cleaner to kill them. It became a game to watch the stupid things die. I would find them, spray them, then wipe them up. Every day was an ant battle-- K Chap vs. The Devils. I requested an exterminator, which I later called a terminator to this boy I had just met, so that was fun. (Dumb blonde much?)

About three days before the extermination of the ant army, I was talking to my mother on the phone while laying on the couch and I had a chocolate craving like I do every five minutes of every day, so I went to my desk to grab a mini Snicker's out of my vintage Hershey's jar. The events that proceeded might be to much for you to handle. If you are under the age 13, please stop reading.

I screamed at the top of my lungs eight times while my mother panicked on the other line. I finally regained the ability to speak and explained to her that I had not been attacked by a human, but I had been attacked. When I went to open the Snicker's the entire wrapper came to life with ants that proceeded to crawl down my hand and arm. After I slapped them/myself for a solid two minutes, I took the jar and the remaining Snicker's and put them in the sink to drown the creatures. I, of course, Clorox-killed the left behind soldiers. I threw away the Snicker's that had been opened, but I managed to salvage the unopened minis. I was not about to throw away a whole jar of chocolate.

I battled with the ants for a few more days before a little old man woke me up to come spray the magic stuff that kills my enemies. With no contacts in to see and my hair looking like that of Leo the UNA lion mascot, I welcomed the little old man into Room 213 to end the war.

Kaitlin won the battle and the ants died, but some of their offspring stayed behind and one comes out to fight every once in a while. I hate ants.